I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
