you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
