We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
