He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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