I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im part way to drunk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
