She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
