I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
