I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
