Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
