so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize