Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
