I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
