Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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