Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
