Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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