omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want her autograph on my taint
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
