ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
