I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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