Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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