Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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