He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
