This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
