I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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