the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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