Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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