I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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