I wanna bring you to show and tell
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize