do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
