Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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