1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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