So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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