so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We need to rekindle our bromance
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize