i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
