My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
