Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
