***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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