I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
