Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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