i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
