I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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