so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
