i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
