How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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