I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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