He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
