My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
