Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize