She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Houston, we have a blender
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
