I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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