We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
