Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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