Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
