okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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