wrigley field is MILF paradise
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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