It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
