It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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