Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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