I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
