threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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