I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
