Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
