Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
