I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
