After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
