She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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